Walt Whimsy

On the wings of an avian ass, let us flutter south to view a duet that surely inspired Terry Gilliam's Brazil...

Saludos Amigos (1942)

Soundtrack/Score/Music: 5

Story/Screenplay/Narrative: 2.5

Characters/Characterization/Voice-Acting: 5

Art Direction/Design: 5.5

Themes, Archetypes, and Artistic Interpretation: 5.5

From Wiry:

Full disclosure: The Disney package films, with the exception of Ichabod and Mr. Toad, were never part of my formative years in the same way as the more cohesive works like Cinderella or 101 Dalmatians. This lack of nostalgia working in their favor makes things rather tricky. I think, to generalize broadly, Disney is the master of the full-length animated feature, and Warner Brothers the masters of the animated short. Lacking the hilarious cruelty of the majority of Looney Tunes shorts, Disney shorts tend to fall into the categories of either sleep-inducing wholesomeness or incoherent animated masturbation.

So, in short, boo. Hiss.** Saludos Amigos, on the whole, munches. I find the condescending 50's-style narrator ("Here's the missus, taking a pie out of the oven. Ha ha, careful there, little lady! Wouldn't want to burn those dainty fingers!") to be intolerable, and he permeates all the shorts. We at least get some respite when Donald shows up, but, for the most part, it's just Joe McVanilla talking the whole damn time.

I should pause for a moment to acknowledge the most interesting part of Saludos Amigos, which is the circumstances of its creation. The U.S. government, recognizing the popularity of Mickey Mouse in Latin America, financed a trip there for the animators to gain some inspiration. They then cranked out Saludos Amigos, their first package film. I can't blame them for doing several more of these things - they were quick to make, and helped pad the Disney coffers before they cranked out some high-budget hits in the 50's. But anyway, the idea was that Saludos Amigos would be shown around Latin America as part of the buddy project, a sort of soft-glove intervention to discourage South America from taking a dip in the Nazi pool.

Well, anyway, the film has four parts, sandwiched with a lot of live-action shots documenting the journey of the animators from country to country. There's a lot of talk about the exotic natives, yadda yadda, but it does work hard to err on the side of respectful yet curious documentation rather than caricature. The first section is basically like Turistas but with Donald Duck in place of buxom American blondes and a surly llama in place of teen-carving sadists. The second bit centers around Pedro the airplane. Full disclosure: I find anthropomorphic means of transportation (i.e. Thomas the Tank Engine and his ilk) creepy in the bad way. They raise a lot of strange questions, like "Why is he carrying the mail satchel on his wing-arm instead of shoving it up his ass like a normal plane would?" Candelabras and teapots are kosher, but a fully-mechanized plane sneezing just gives me the willies. And, the villain in this short is a mountain. That's right, a grumpy-faced mountain.

Then we have the third bit, in which a cowboy Goofy learns about being a gaucho (an Argentinian cowboy). Zzz. And last, but not least, we have the "Watercolor of Brazil" segment, featuring some quality animation, Jose Carioca, and this song in its original form (you may also recognize it from every trailer of the past year). But there's some fun samba bits, which will be pounded into the ground in the next film we're discussing in this two-fer, the illustrious, the glorious...

The Three Caballeros (1944)

Soundtrack/Score/Music: 5.5

Story/Screenplay/Narrative: 4.5

Characters/Characterization/Voice-Acting: 5.5

Art Direction/Design: 7

Themes, Archetypes, and Artistic Interpretation: 5.5

From RM:

That's right, my most learned colleague and I are each getting our own little section this week. Mostly, this is because these two films are startlingly similar. The Three Caballeros is, in essence, a repackaged package film. Take a moment, embrace the dada, and let's move on.

Congrats to Three Caballeros (cowboys, for those of you who don't habla) for at least attempting a plot for this package film: Donald Duck opens presents from his Latin American friends, which are basically cleverly disguised vignettes. Aaaaaand, plot done.

To it's credit, this movie resolves a lot of the problems with Saludos Amigos. There is a plot, and the shorts are, across the board, more entertaining. The first, the story of a penguin that hates the cold (I know, wacky, right?!) and escapes to the Galapagos is narrated by Sterling "Don't call me Pooh Bear" Holloway, and is actually sweet and funny. The second, the story of a winged donkey, is fairly insipid, but when compared to the plane cartoon from Saludos, it's Citizen Kane. After that, we're reintroduced to Jose Carioca, the wise-cracking chain-smoking Gigolo from Sao Paolo. It should be noted here that since his creation in the previous film, he had become quite the national icon in Brazil. Also, his short introduces a fairly interesting part of 3C, which is its very solid synthesis of live-action and animation, something it would later explore, unfortunately, in So Dear To My Heart and Song of the South. But in this, it's actually quite good.

Anyhow, then comes sassy Mexican parrot, films of various Mexican dances, Donald chasing tail in Acapulco (I shit you not), and a surreal* dream sequence of Donald... chasing tail. Also, the music is excellent, and actually culturally appropriate. What a refreshing change of pace.

It should be noted that, as the Disney package films go, this one is quite watchable. But, not unlike Saludos, there isn't a whole lot to say about it.

* From Wiry:

Sorry to butt in, chum - feel free to throw some dirt on Saludos if you like. The surreal dream sequence bit is definitely quizzical-look-inducing, but, when you think about things like the pink elephants sequence in Dumbo or the heffalumps and woozles bit in Winnie the Pooh, or even the overlong bear-love song in Fun and Fancy Free, you do start to see a Disney that relishes borderline-disturbing sequences of mutable creatures. That is to say, surreal dreamlike sequences. This is as good a time as any to mention "Destino," the Walt Disney/Salvador Dali collaboration of 1945 that went unfinished until very recently. So many people are surprised by the thought of Captain Melting-Lobster-Phallus in cahoots with wholesome Uncle Walt, but Walt certainly seems to have enjoyed using animation to dabble in surrealism himself.

** From RM:
Well, since you asked....

I'll take a moment to defend the package films. Granted that, to date, the lowest score we have given (and probably will give across the board) currently belongs to a package film, the abomination that is/was Fun & Fancy Free, I argue that there is a distinct advantage to the package film: variety. Some of the shorts (Bongo, that stupid effing plane from Saludos) are among the greatest pieces of tripe known to tripedom, but at least, as long as you haven't sworn a blood oath to watch the whole thing beginning to end, you can skip around to the good stuff. In abominations like, oh, say Treasure Planet, every step down the connected narrative is darker, more unpleasant, and more dissatisfying than the last one, and you know that you aren't going to suddenly cut to Donald learning how to samba. It's the same shit you watched 10 minutes ago. So yes, the full-length narrative film does have more time to explore interesting plot and characters, but its bungles are far more difficult to survive. 100 times out of 100, I'd watch Saludos Amigos before I'd watch Treasure Planet.

Saludos Amigos Final Grade: D

The Three Caballeros Final Grade: C

Los Rankings:

1.) The Lion King
2.) Sleeping Beauty
3.) The Hunchback of Notre Dame
4.) Snow White & the Seven Dwarfs
5.) Lady and The Tramp
6.) The Great Mouse Detective
7.) Pinocchio
8.) The Jungle Book
9.) The Black Cauldron
10.) Mulan
11.) The Three Caballeros
12.) Treasure Planet
13.) Saludos Amigos
14.) Fun and Fancy Free

Take the razor from thy wrist, 'tis time to review...

Treasure Planet (2002)

Soundtrack/Score/Music: 4

Story/Screenplay/Narrative: 3.5

Characters/Characterization/Voice-Acting: 5

Art Direction/Design: 7.5

Themes, Archetypes, and Artistic Interpretation: 5

From Wiry:

Damn it, why am I stuck with the plot summary for this stinker? Oh well... many of you probably haven't seen this so I'll try to do it quickly. For those who are unfamiliar, Treasure Planet basically tries to shoehorn sci-fi into the pirate genre, with less-than-successful results. Rather than creating a unique world in which the original tale can be played out intergalactically, it just... pushes. Hard. Can I just say that Joseph Gordon-Levitt (voice of Jim, the lead character with a haircut straight out of a backwater 1994) is an excellent actor, and I'd like to pull out Mysterious Skin and Brick as worth seeing.

Okay so. We've got Jim, who lives with his mother (a mother? What!) in an inn she owns. When a salamander alien thing crashes with his treasure map (a golden ball), he brings the infamous pirate captain, John Silver, straight to Jim and MILF's doorstep. They flee with their family friend, Dog Hyde Pierce (Dr. Doppler), who decides to hire a crew to find the titular Treasure Planet that the map points to. Alas, his taste is poor, as the entire crew is composed of John Silver and his cronies, with the exception of the kitty captain (Emma Thompson, why?) and her First Mate. Jim is put to duty working for the cyborg cook (John Silver, natch), and they bond in a rather-cliched-song-montage-way but-still-interesting-since-it's-new-for-Disney way during their journey. A few conveniently exploding stars later, they arrive at the planet and it's mutiny time. Jim, the captain, and Dr. Dog flee to the planet, where they encounter Abomination-Bot (Martin Short), the former right-hand droid of the captain who buried his treasure somewhere on the... planet. So they find out that the map actually opens a portal to the center of the planet, with a McDuckian trove of treausre that is (of course!) booby-trapped. As the final dungeon so obediently explodes, John Silver chooses Jim over the treasure. They manage to escape through the portal, and Jim decides to let John roam free. Cue end of story, return to mom, and some horrifying kitty-dog mutants. Yay.

We knew coming into this film that it wasn't going to be good. Now, maybe it's unfair to have expectations along these lines, but let's not kid ourselves. Visually speaking, the computer animation is mostly well done, with a few "wow" moments of hand-drawn integration, but a few clunky moments as well. The score is barely worth mentioning - it flirts with a some pirate tunes (that would finally materialize in Disney's proper tackling of this subject matter in Pirates of the Caribbean), but it's mostly generic orchestral with the single annoying montage pop song.

Character-wise, I'd be hard-pressed to find a more annoyingly one-dimensional lead than Jim. He also has very bad hair. Disney seems to have been trying so hard to be "hip" be cramming as much quasi-surfing imagery alongside SPACE! and PIRATES! and DOGS DOING CATS! and stuff, but... really, it's like one of those mash-up songs where you feel like the creator didn't actually think through how "Cheri Baby" and "Thong Song" made sense for mashery. The plot has holes you could drive a solar-powered space pirate ship through, and... well, I think I've said enough. The beast is what it is.

From RM:

Treasure Planet, to its credit, took me on a roller coaster ride of emotions: confusion over the gaping plot holes; sorrow over what dark hole Emma Thomspon must have been in to agree to do this; rage, over no one properly preparing me for how lousy this film REALLY was (even though I would argue it has the worst reputation, and rightfully so); mild amusement, over the actually inspired character known as Morph (guess what IT can do?!); and finally, Pity. Pity that John Musker and Ron Clements, men who gave us The Great Mouse Detective, Aladdin, Hercules, and The Little Mermaid, will have to spend the rest of their lives living down that they also gave us... Treasure Planet.

To take you into a little bit of the backstory of how we tend to grade this, normally I end up pitching a number a little higher than maybe what the film deserves, and Wiry pragmatically, or sometimes doggedly, works us down to a more reasonable number. Not this time. I wanted to bust this film down to Fun & Fancy Free, and if it wasn't for the visuals, it'd be down there.

This film is beyond lousy. This film is horrific. When I see this, I weep for someone who, not understanding Disney in its entirety, chose to have this represent anything other than the DREGS of the DREGS of the DREEEEEGS of the darkest period in Disney history. If not for technology, this would be the worst thing ever produced by Disney, including Song of the South and The Black Hole. The score is uninspiring at some points, and insipid in others. The plot seems like poorly, POORLY done fan fiction. The animation is at times impressive at times not so much. And, other than a father son story, much of the archetypes are lousy or unnecessary (did I really NEED to see interspecies breeding, Disney? DID I?).

I'm sorry if this seems mean spirited, and Treasure Planet fan, if you're out there, please try to explain this to me. I don't want to feel this about a Disney film. I don't want to be this angry. But I am.

Update 8-26-08 (from RM): I've spent the past few days musing upon this film. Not so much that it was bad. I'm sure there will be a few more unpleasant surprises for us before this is done. But how two guys like Ron Clements and John Musker, with such phenomenal taste and instinct, could make so many slip-ups in one film. Story, music, characters, even art seem poorly done. And if this were some one shot shlub like the guy who did Black Cauldron, I might understand. But not from these two. The mathematical chances that their normally good taste could stray so far from home base just seemed too bizarre to be true.

The more I thought about it, the less it made sense.

Until, one night, an almost heretical thought came to me.

What if....what if they KNEW it would be this bad? What if, deep down in their hearts, Team RonJohn knew this was going to bomb, and made it anyway? Now I know this seems crazy, but hear me out.

The Lion King changed everything. We can all agree on that. All films since Lion King have been held up against it. Even some before it are held up against it. Because for most people (not myself) it is THE standard in Disney, past and present. It may not be the best Disney film (it isn't), but at the moment it is our highest ranked and has the distinct advantage of being the last excellent Disney film before the backwards slide of the Modern Era. Now, as we have illustrated with some films (Hunchback of Notre Dame), this system isn't always fair. And I'm sure Team RonJohn (yes, I'll be calling them that from now on) knew that Simba n' pals were the modern barometer. That every film since it would be compared to it, and no film would be allowed to stand on its own individual merits.

So what if, for the greater good, they made a film so bad, that it, in effect, purged Lion King from our collective conscience as the modern barometer?

Think about it. Though I had never seen Treasure Planet until this past weekend, I was hip enough to know that since TP, the barometer has been, "Will it be as bad as Treasure Planet?" not "Is it Lion King reborn?". We've accepted that, if another Lion King comes, it could be a while, and we shouldn't be holding our collective breath.

I think Team RonJohn knew that. And I think they took the bullet for the greater good, because they knew they could survive it. It's the only way I can justify this film in my mind.

Update 8/26/08 (from Wiry): On the other hand, Team RonJohn was trying to get this stinker made for years and some wise person at Disney clearly put it off as long as possible. Come on, I mean... even in pure concept alone it's a questionable project. There are countless examples of great artists pursuing one of their own ideas to a horrible end, given how hard it is to keep continuously topping oneself. I think it's just a natural fizzle, the inevitable career blip that will (hopefully) be no more than a dip between great works (but we'll let you know once The Princess and the Frog comes out).

Final Grade: D+

Final Rankings:

1.) The Lion King
2.) Sleeping Beauty
3.) The Hunchback of Notre Dame
4.) Snow White & the Seven Dwarfs
5.) Lady and The Tramp
6.) The Great Mouse Detective
7.) Pinocchio
8.) The Jungle Book
9.) The Black Cauldron
10.) Mulan
11.) Treasure Planet
12.) Fun and Fancy Free